So your girl is upset. Maybe you’re to blame. Maybe someone else is to blame. All we know for certain is she doesn’t like your ass very much right now. Not to worry though, ya’ll are not about to go your separate ways just as yet.

Dr. Kamz is here to help you.

You’ve gotta play it cool. Act like a player, move like a player, talk like a player. Basically besides the actual art of playing her, you’ve gotta be a player.

Anticipate her mood for the next couple of days. Follow her movements slowly. Let her lead the pace for the both of you. Allow her to enjoy as much of your company as she requires and as well allow her – her own space. Don’t be caught up in her face all the time. Don’t be too distant either. Even though she detests you right now, she’ll love you for it.

When you feel the scales of her aggravation are tipping back to the side you want them to, it’s time for you to stop being the follower. It’s time to pull out the ...

I have no stats on this (and they say you can find anything on the internet) but I bet 3 out of 5 people would hesitate or begin their sentence with, “like…” if you asked them to define the word ‘love’. I think the problem is that when we use that word, it’s in a different context every time. There isn’t one ‘type’ of love but if it’s one word I’m pretty sure there should be a communal or general definition that could encompass all ‘forms’ of love.

There’s a story I once heard about an old lady who was walking in the street with her grandchild, the young boy ran into the street and a car crashed into him. The thing is, though, the car landed up on top of the kid and the old lady (dude, please remember she’s ‘grandmother old’) ran onto the street and came through like Captain America! She lifted the car off of the boy and obviously saved his life. Some say it was adrenaline that gave her the superhuman strength but there must have been a driving force. I say it must have been love.

My personal opinion on mothers is that they must be aliens. I have no ...

I am five levels of exhausted. Five.

I don't know when I got through the first four but I have officialy arrived at this final level. I work too hard.

My mind isn't the same cerebral machine it was when I left home. For the first time in a very long time I feel I deserve a break. Today is FML's 10th Edition! For ten weeks every Sunday we've been updating this thing with new and different content. Every Sunday for ten weeks. I'm exhausted...

I work too hard. At least I think I do.

I don't want a prize or an award. That's for McD's Employee Of The Month things. I'm not sure if I want recognition for it either. Life has taught me to work without expecting to hear a thank you. The work will speak tonnes by itself. It still doesn't change how I feel right now though. For almost twenty ...

It’s hard for me to write again. I feel like my thoughts are like comets dividing the space of my consciousness opening up new opportunities as they go. If I could just catch one, yes if I could latch onto one of the beacons of promise maybe I could dwell in a place of security once again. But something hinders me, like an invisible barrier... ”one step forward and two steps back, nobody gets too far like that”. I used to love that song but lately that’s how ive been feeling. Suddenly the song isn’t so appealing

See until recently the term homeostasis was an obscure scientific concept which I had learnt over and over again at each new level of education. Inertia, they call it, the unwillingness of most life forms to move or change beyond a very narrow range which promotes balance. What they don’t tell you though is that the tendency to be homeostatic doesn’t serve progression very well, in fact quite the opposite, life generally resists the pull to improve unless it’s left with absolutely no choice. Further more life beyond a primary level of development will ...

The world knows nothing but to judge.
They see you and define you as what they perceive.
No one knows your story.
They know not the paths you’ve walked.
They’re eyes don’t see past the surface.
Just one glimpse and you’ve been tainted a colour.
It may not even be close to your true colour… perhaps even further than yours.

Don’t let it get to you, they don’t know any better.
You walk and carry yourself in a certain manner.
You put out a façade, trying to hide your visage.
To them you are just a passing face.
Don’t let them get to you.

You walk past the faces, they may frown upon you.
The truth is they’ll never truly understand you or see through your eyes.
...

At what age did you find yourself in your first real relationship? I am neither asking at what age you fell in love for the first time nor when you were in your first “serious relationship” because, as I will attempt to annotate in greater detail, emotions are hugely misleading and being in love does not really mean being in a real relationship. I spent three years with my first love. That was my first ‘serious relationship’. In those three toxic years, I learned more about him than I did me. I became an extension of his existence, not a partner. I was young, naïve and most destructively, I had the wrong idea of what love was. When my imminent heartbreak arrived, needless to say, I could not rationalize why it had all gotten so bad but I still did not walk away with any knowledge of what a real relationship was.

My next two relationships in varsity were just as mistaken as my very first. All fucked up. Not in the same way but one thing was common. None were real relationships. Was I in love? Arguably, but emotions do not make a relationship, neither does a title. Relationships are borne from conscious and continuous decisions to be an item. When you cannot profess your ...

Survival.

A few people know this story. I hate telling it. It's from a very very very dark place in my life. Excuse the mellow dramatic tones underlying that statement. I'm writing for effect here.

Survival.

Kicked out of my appartment, broke and virtually friendless. That was the beginning of my third year of tertiary education. Homeless, broke and virtually friendless. My mind was racing, no teeming, with ways of ending my semi-sad existence. Shit wasn't exactly looking up. I had the option of going home but that would be embarassing. What would the neighbours say? The humiliation. I didn't want my family to go through it. They'd been put through ...

My obsession with not being broke by the time I turn 25, has me sitting up at 0231hrs throwing these words out of mind onto this very screen your eyes dance on now.

Obsession.

I've been thinking about all conversations and thoughts I've had with the self, a process also known as “talking to one's self (myself in this case) and the possibility is, I might be growing insane. I hope not. That would be awkward. I mean I still have plenty to say. I just haven't been as sure of what “it” is of late. Obsession.

I fear being broke. Rather, I fear being this broke for the rest of my life. All ninety eight or eight years of it left. That's the other thing that's haunting me. I really don't know how long I'm left with here. It could be a day or a week. A month or a year. A year and a month. A month and a day. I don't know. And the thought that I could, for lack of use of a better word, die, at any moment, freaks me ...

It's 9:45 ... I'm waiting for the elevator, time is ticking. I need to check into work by 9:50. (no worries, it only takes a minute to get upstairs) The elevator door opens, thank heavens. I walk in ... clearly someone marked the territory. It smells of fart. Should I wait for another one? I can't. I'll be late for work. Up I go to the 6th floor I'm praying no one is waiting up stairs. The elevator door opens. Damn. There right in front of me, is a group of people greeted by the stench. Their faces turn sour, everyone's eyes are on me. I'm the only one in here so automatically I'm the one to blame.

I CAN EXPLAIN !!!

I straighten up my jacket and walk past the crowd. I can feel the eyes on my back as I walk away ...

I CAN EXPLAIN !!!

You see I just experienced a " wrong place at ...

So you're 23. You wait on an allowance from your guardians every month. 9 out of 10 times you're going to blow that allowance by the 15th day in the month and in the last 15 days you drift by basically wasting oxygen because what do you have to call yours ? Nothing. You patiently anticipate your next allowance and put that song on repeat with the static hope that someday you'l be able to fend for yourself and not have to live through this gruesome tale that is your young adult hood.

Well let me tell you about the 23 year olds of the 20th century. At that age they had last lived in their mothers house 5 years ago. They had gone out into the world to find theirs. They knew that the world didn't owe them anything, they had to go out there and get what they wanted by any means possible. No allowance came in every month, they had to work to put food in their bellys and work harder and longer to put some clothes on their backs. These 23 year olds educated themselves and their siblings while sending money back home to their parents to show their gratitude for having been raised to be strong young adults.

I know the 20th and 21st century are worlds apart in terms of the landscape of opportunity. It's probably 10 times harder today to ...

She looks about 25. She has two kids. Lord knows if she has a husband. No car, i deduced from her using public transport. Her clothing is not branded so i assume she has an ok job. Not a sign of jewellery on her but the studs on her ears. There's no money for luxurious items.

She's doing mental maths with her daughter. She's only little but seems bright. The older son seems as if he knows his stuff, he keeps correcting the little one. She stumbles unable to figure out 35 + 6. "Are you dumb?" Her mother asks. "Do not be defeated. Have faith" she adds on. Suddenly the little girl figures it out ... 41 she screams.

My heart lights up. There is nothing like a mother's encouragement. From that moment on i realised ... this little girl is going far. She might not have everything but she has her mother.

You see we all need that encouragement in life. We need people to cheer us on and keep us motivated. This woman can't offer ...

Are you the reflection you see in the mirror ?

Are you the fairest of them all ?

Are you somebody’s everything ?

Are you the thoughts that inhabit your mind and never seem to take flight ?

Are you conscious confidence ?

Are you a mix-pot of hatred and anxiety ?

Are you a balanced product of true love ?

...

I wake up on a frosty Monday morning. This cold front is not being friendly. I have so much to do you know. I have to go empty my bladder, gotta buy groceries and make breakfast, loads of studying to be done, I have an intense gym session to get through and more studying after that, but it’s just sooooo cold and I’m in nothing but my boxers under this mountain of blankets I have on top of me. I dread jumping out of bed. It’s just not going to happen right now.

So what’s next to do ? Besides think of course. My mind begins to recalculate my schedule because we’re going to lose at least 2 hours in bed waiting for the world to warm up; so some reshuffling of events has to take place.

I start to think of FML though and how I’ve been getting articles out of me with some strain and difficulty off late, call it writers block if you would or I’m just not in that zone I need to be in you know. I instantly decide to push and push and push till something happens and my mind comes up with this crazy idea almost instantly.

I shall write a whole article; drafted, typed, edited and ...

The last time I felt an electric razor glade over my head was close to 3 years ago. That day I left the old me in that barber shop and became a new person. I had embarked on a path that I wouldn’t truly understand for a while but it would reveal itself ever so amazingly and I would learn to be one with my newly found path. I would embrace it and immerse myself in it unsparingly. That day the world changed for me, that day I became a Rasta.

You see the essence of Rasta is true and like I mentioned before it’s not a concept one can immediately understand. Yea, sure, I was letting my hair grow, my peers were intrigued by the bold step I had decided to take. At 1st many of them thought it was just a phase, like everything else I had done with my hair before and to be completely honest, back then in 2012, I thought it was a joke too. A subtle form of rebelling per se and I was totally ok with that. My folks saw it in the same light and we were all absolutely ok with that. I never once thought I would become so aware of this soon to be “life choice” I had taken. Almost a year into the new me and I was about to begin a new journey. Life in a tertiary institution
Everything was new. The freedom, meeting new ...

The time is 23:53 and I have 7 minutes to write this article.

See I’ve made a promise to myself to write an article every single day of this week and I can’t carry this one into the next day. NO !!! I just can’t. I want to talk to ya’ll about family and why it’s the only thing we really have in this world. Family is the root of our existence. These are the people that nurture us into this world. The faces we familiarize with so easily as we grow up and they over time become our everything. Without family there would be nothing to cherish. Absolutely nothing.

Okay, no lie, I’m slowly going nowhere with this article because that’s about all I can think about saying right now and it’s 23:56 so I’m definitely not going to wrap this up before the day ends.

Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaait a minute … or 4 … lol :)

Ask yourself this slowly.
What ...

In other Mzwa related news, I finally figured out how to use Snapchat! I could not have done this without the aid of my good friend, the Indian James Bond. I can't share his name because of spy protocol. I'm sure you understand...

Thanks Desan. :)

If you are reading this and haven't read the previous article I wrote, you'll be doing yourself a disservice. This is like a series. The Game Of Thrones of blogs in a way. And you my friend are about to watch episode two. There will be no “previously on the Webisode Of Consciousness.” I'm not saying stop reading, I'm just saying go read that other thing first so this makes a little more sense to you.

Webisode 1: Consciousness

Today was meant to be your orientaion on The Seven Chakras. Admittedly, I don't have extensive knowledge on them. I have a basic understanding of the seven and perhaps I have no right to be standing on ...

Anxious
Gums numb
Chewing on my teeth
Anxious

Heart racing
Mind spacing
Overwhelmed by thoughts
Overthinking on the spot
Anxious

Can't think straight
Snap my fingers
Tap my feet
Make a beat
...

I wake up in the morning, so tired of sleeping. I don’t want to get out of bed though … my sheets are too warm. Not so bad for someone sleeping alone I think to myself. I crack my curtain open, it’s sunny out. What a great day to have a great day (I silently wish). You see everybody is always talking about how everything is rosy, how you should smile and look at each day as a new chance … a time to start afresh. I do it too sometimes too. Don’t get me wrong though, I’m a happy person but just not today. I don’t know why though. I just want to stay in bed and eat chocolate today.

I’M NOT DEPRESSED.

I’m just out of sorts. Like a couple of fuses just blew. No biggie, if you know what I mean. I’m having one of those “Are you really okay” days. I like to call them, visiting the soul doctor days.

Yes, my soul is currently at the doctors. I’ve got a scheduled checkup.

We start with the basics: Am I ...

I wish the world would stop for a while

I wish the birds would stop singing for a while

I wish the music would just stop for a while

I wish my mind would just stop running for a while

I wish I could just be in tune with silence for a while

I wish I could forget it all and just exist alone for a while

I wish

.....

....

When you’re down and out. At your outmost low. When nothing else makes sense besides your sadness, all you need is Love.

Love heals all. Love is everything. Love is a beautifull thing.

I’m going to tell ya’ll about how I fell in love. I met love through the eyes of the most gorgeous girl you’ll ever meet in your life. She was pure, she was memorizing, she was anything and everything one would look for in a girl.

Apart from everything she knew; besides everything she had been taught; despite the fact that I was clearly not meant for her, she still found a way to captivate me and surprisingly enough, she still found a way to love me.

Apart from everything I was; besides everything I stood for; despite the fact that I was never right for her … I still found a way to love her.

That in its own is ...

[Backspace count : 2798.]

I've been trying to figure out how to use Snapchat for the past hour. I also want to be a part of the “Snap gang” or “Snap crew” or whatever it is you cool kids call yourselves. I want to be a part of that. I have so many cool ideas for my snaps too! I'm going to be a Snapchat whore for at least a month. Just as soon as I figure out how to use it.

I want to speak about consciousness.

I thought this was going to be easier but, I've hit the backspace button so many times in the last hour alone. Writer's block perhaps? Or, it could be the fact that I've been extremely distracted over the last I don't know, 23 years.

I want to speak about consciousness. [Backspace count : 3298.]

How do you speak of something you don't understand fully yourself? How do ...

In life you really never stop learning. Everyday different people go through different situations. I bet you someone out there is being slayed by the blades of life right at this instant. Some of us learn from it all the first time, for others it takes a few more kicks from life to get the picture. One thing for sure … aint nobody on this planet that has a degree in life. No one can tell you that they have mastered it! Sure maybe they’re living that good life … that luxurious life … that’s not what I’m talking about here though. I’m talking about the HEART! If anything the heart goes through the most pain in comparison to your body. The doctor can fix a broken leg, give you something for the pain, but he sure can’t fix a broken heart!

Now this is no sob story about me being broken hearted or my best friend getting dumped. This is more of inspiration. Now I want to challenge y’all! I want y’all to think of your situation right now. Are you happy? Sometimes we don’t trust our judgement, we don’t take our instincts seriously. We have that “this too shall pass mentality”. F*ck that! How are you going to just ...

When you meet someone who comes from a broken family you probably won’t know it right away. They’ll do their best to blend in, to watch their words, to make sure they seem like everyone else. It’s a habit they’ve picked up over the years. How easy it is to look like all the rest. How easy it is to perform the same dance and routine.

Wear the right clothes. Say the right things. Don’t let your guard down. Never allude to the fact there’s something missing.

And what is missing? It’s the question that continues to haunt them. Was it losing their parent at a young age? Was it the divorce, the abuse, the memories that can’t seem to go away? Was it because they had to grow up faster than everyone else? Not every broken person shares the same story and their story lives inside of them triumphantly defiant, an anchor holding the weight of their heart down, but the hollowness feels eerily similar all the same. They don’t know how to quite pinpoint when ...

Perhaps the best stories are the ones told under the influence of something. Something a little more than alcohol and herb though. Like life.

The every day Dick and Jane's concern when they leave the house is the story they are going to tell people. The people around us. They worry about whether what they say will make them 'cool' enough to fit in or whether or not they're being 'weird'? They worry too much about what they're going to say but...what about us? Aren't we the everyday Dick and Jane of modern society?

What will they say about us?

Often, I step into this world with the demeanour of a bad bitch who just stepped out of an AMG in the hood. Absoluteley minus fucks given. I lace up my chucks, grab my longboard, make sure the beanie is at a 37° angle to my hair (and isn't falling off) and walk out into the world with a “fuck it, let's get it then” attitude meant only for winners, titans and the ...

Live

Live life to the fullest

Never try to be the coolest

Please just act like you knew this

Inspire

Inspire those in need

Don't make them have to beg and plead

They're already on their knees

...

I'm up ... it's 11:05 am. I don't remember falling asleep though. I look beside me and there is my trusted buddy Robyn. She's also up but she's too cozy in the covers too get out. I get out and dash to the loo ... what a relief. I walk into the living room and all I see are bodies. Bodies on the couches, bodies on the carpet bodies on the tiles. Everyone is so cozy. I barely know these people and they serenade me with a warm and loving "hello Queen". Right at that moment I was touched.

You see my friend Bubbles invited me over for the weekend to her place. Her cousin’s boyfriend was having his sweet 16th party. At first I was a bit skeptical about the scenario. Firstly I was BLACK and her family was COLOURED. I was so afraid to feel left out ... to feel and look different amongst her people. Secondly a sweet 16th ??? I'm 19 and trust me I will stand out with a bunch of puberty infested kiddies no offence. And then I realised that that was supper offensive. So I thought this one out ... I am not prejudice so I won't have a problem being around her people ... I was going to look at it as a learning experience.

The minute we got to Bubbles home I was welcomed with ...

Alright gents. I’ve been meaning to share this piece with ya’ll for a while now. There are so many things I want to talk about, so many actions I want to question; so many ideals I would love to help ya’ll grasp. I really and truly want to know why you boys don’t act like grown men.

The day you first realised you were a boy probably had something to do with the opposite sex. I know for me it played out during a play date with the mates in the hood when we were no older than 5 years. This little girl that lived across from my home came over to play with us one day and within the fun filled activities we indulged in she sustained herself a small bruise on her knee from an accidentally fall. I call it small because to us, the usual delinquents, that was just an everyday thing - argh a bruise, wipe that thing off and carry on moving you know. But for her it must have been the most excruciating pain she had ever experienced. She cried so loud it shook me up. Her facial expression when she saw her own blood gush from her wounded knee was one I ...

0617hrs. It's not my alarm that's given me this awakening this time around, no. It's the semi-unfamiliar environment I've been plunged into by this cold that's been tormenting me the whole week.

This is not my room.

A friend of mine dislocated his knee recently. Rock climbing incident. He was trying to get a grip on the nearest rock face when his brace got snapped by a mountain lion. He'll be alright. Can't say the same about that mountain lion though. As he was falling he grabbed a hold of it's neck and used it to break his fall.

I know right?

The actual events that led to the dislocation of the knee aren't for public consumption. What has been described above is what I am sticking to. He's my friend. My job is to make you believe he's an adrenaline ...

So much has happened between you and I. I don't even know where to start. I want to start from the beginning but I don't remember that far back. I want to tell you everything but I want to protect you. It's silly I know. We've never kept things from each other. Ok, I have but I always assumed you knew either way. Where should I start though? From the early memories or from the most recent? I really don't know, but I cherish all of them.

People other than you are going to read this. I hope you get to it first though. Oh, and some girls are going to assume that this is about them. They're so lost, it's not. I remember you warned me about them. I should have listened. I hate to admit it but, you were right. I'm really trying though. We never explicitly spoke about this but I think maybe now you should know. With every girl I meet I look for a little you in her. I guess it's because I love and miss you so much.

Ooooh, maybe I should have started off like ...

Camel Black and a bottle of tap water. I don't need much. Just a little nicotine and some H20. That's how I find my balance. With all the sad things life throws our way I know I need my balance. I lost my Grand mother a few days ago and a day after I heard one of my friends passed too. Too soon. It's my birthday today by the way.

How much do we want the things we claim to want? I remember back in the day when I was in my first year of primary school I wanted to be a lion (thanks Mufasa). So dedicated to my attempts to becoming the king of beasts no one was safe. I'd roar in your face if I caught you napping. Don't nap. If I saw a bare ankle, LATE! You can't walk with a 5 year old hanging on to your ankle with his bare teeth now can you? Don't nap. I was going to be the best lion in the world. But when the mane refused to grow I let go of the dream. Thinking back to it though I should have held on to ...

Often times in life we stumble and we beat ourselves up when we slipup. Don’t worry … No matter how bad a situation looks YOU'RE GOING TO MAKE IT.

I know you’ve all heard it a thousand times before…HAVE FAITH… they say. And perhaps the reason you’ve heard this for the millionth time now is that it is the absolute TRUTH !!!

This does not imply one must go far and journey the ends of the world to find a new relief, it’s just as simple as believing in yourself. You are the driver of your own life. If you don’t believe in you… who will?

This does not imply one must go far and journey the ends of the world to find a new relief, it’s just as simple as believing in yourself. You are the driver of your own life. If you don’t believe in you… who will?

This pandemic of giving up just as soon as you fail… or not even trying in fear of failing will be the death of us. Surely we all have that fire that burns in us all, that desire to ...

R62-00 on peak. That’s the amount I’ve paid to get aboard this Gautrain from Hatfield, Pretoria to Park Station, Johannesburg. What would be the equivalent? A 6-pack of Hunters-dry maybe? 10 laps around an 85 metre go-kart track at Menlyn Mall? Or a single ‘short time’ round at your local brothel? I mean all of these options I’ve mentioned above have a certain level of adventure within them. They ask nothing more of you but to explore, to be involved and to experience the effect caused by them. Whether it be the quest of finding wisdom at the bottom of a cider bottle, the adrenalin rush of being confined in a minute vehicle around insanely curvaceous turns at insane speeds for that commodity or just simply indulging in a lustful, not to mention sinful sexual endeavour. To be honest with you, I’d rather spend R62 on this train ride and so I did!!!

I find myself walking in to an empty cart and I help myself to a window seat, away from the setting sun of course. The setting is calm, very cool thanks to the AC and somewhat ...

I'm a big fan of immaturity. I love it actually. As long as it's directed in the right direction. It's the reason why we have so many vines flooding our web waves. Think about it. My favourite “vine moments” are the “fuckked your bitch!” exchanges.

“Hey, Rob can't even tie his shoelaces!”

“yeah BUT I CAN FUCK YOUR BITCH!!!

Immaturity! Ha! I love it!!!

I heard a story from my friend Kelso that shifted my paradigms of belief a little bit. A little uncomfortably so too. I'll try and recreate it for you the way I remember.

His dad, his uncle and his uncle's friend were off to a party one evening. Driving ofcourse, when there on the side of the road they came across a hitchhiker, a lady about twenty something. Being the kind hearted people that ...

Environment : I'm sitting in the dark, lava lamp on, listening to FKA twigs, thinking about how I'm going to start “this” my first post, for the multitudes of people who may have been just curious enough to know what this “FML" thing is. Its a couple minutes past twelve, I'm tired, I mean, I really shouldn't be doing this now but I am. It could wait till the morning or the next day but right now, I have this burning urge to write. I just don't know what it is I want to write.

Vague, I know, but, in the sea of all this vagueness, my roommate walks into my room and disturbs all of what's perfectly balanced in my natural environment.

“Mzwa, how do you get laid here?”

Totally unexpected, I know, he got me too, but just so that we don't digress, I want you to ...