Survival.

A few people know this story. I hate telling it. It's from a very very very dark place in my life. Excuse the mellow dramatic tones underlying that statement. I'm writing for effect here.

Survival.

Kicked out of my appartment, broke and virtually friendless. That was the beginning of my third year of tertiary education. Homeless, broke and virtually friendless. My mind was racing, no teeming, with ways of ending my semi-sad existence. Shit wasn't exactly looking up. I had the option of going home but that would be embarassing. What would the neighbours say? The humiliation. I didn't want my family to go through it. They'd been put through enough already. Home, broke and virtally friendless.

Survival.

I spent the first 8 hours of my homeless life moving things out of my, no, out of the appartment. Everything. Books, bed, cutlery, cockery, pots, pans, food, myself. The one friend who could didn't mind having all of things in her place. I knew she did but she hid it from me as much as possible. I'm forever grateful for that. After seven and a half hours of hard labour my everything was somebody else's everything.

Survival.

Or far...

When that mode kicks in, your mind is channeled to your most basic needs. Food, shelter, internet. I couldn't sleep at my friend's house, she had just taken into custody all of my worldly posessions. Plus, she fed me that very same night. I'd extended all favour she could allow me. I had to find a place to stay. Not by any of my friends though. That rumour would spread faster than rama at a breakfast table. I couldn't deal with that. Not at that moment at least. I'd have to find somewhere else. Just not the street. Not just yet. That would be the last straw.

Survival.

Food, shelter, internet. I wasn't too happy with where I decided to camp that night. It wasn't exactly a hotel but the RAG office at school was the closest thing to a home I could find. There was a bean bag, and a sleeping bag left there for me to rest my weary soul. A few sockets to charge my laptop and a bathroom. Bathroom as in lavitory system. Ablution. A toilet. Sweet. At least for tonight I'd be alright. I'd be safe. If anyone had to ask what I was doing in there I'd day late night work. Plus there was a basic internet connection I could use to keep in touch with the world in this confined solitude I found myself in.

Survival.

I'd have to survive this. I couldn't be found in the same clothes the next morning. Not here. In fact, just being found in the office was going to be an issue. I had to maintain the illusion that everything was alright. Only three people knew my former place of residence was exactly that, former. My eviction notice guy, my friend and I. I'd have to shower somewhere. The school showers were the closest and the coldest. But the thing that was important was cleanliness. That came first. So at 6 AM when I was walking back to my friends place to get a change of clothes, shivering from the frostbite that was the embodiment of the school shower I had a smile on my face. I was going to survive this. I just had to keep it up until a wealth of money fell on my lap. Besides, I still had class to attend. And an education to get.

Survival.

For three and a half weeks I survived on kfc wings, scraps of food the people around me would share, water. Lots of water. I'm not even sure how I managed to smoke. I was too proud to tell anyone I had a problem. Too proud. Too proud to even notice I was losing weight. Not that there was a lot to lose anyway. I was going to survive. On my own terms. For three and a half weeks, I spent my nights at school and my mornings in the Arctic, the school shower.

Survival.

I couldn't do it anymore. I was depleted. Finshed. Done. I could jump off a building at school or in front of the Gautrain tracks. It would end. But survival! I was bred for this. This was meant for me. I'm a survivor. What's a storm if you aren't going to weather it?


Root Chakra

The 4th Ray of “Harmony through Conflict” governs the base chakra or root. This chakra symbol symbol represents the most earth centered chakra. It stands for our inherited beliefs through our formative years. Self-preservation, personal survival and our identification with the physical world centers in this bottom most of the main seven chakras.

I had to go through a lot to come to one realization. I know you have your own story too. I'm still here and you are too. It will come to an end in due time. :)

Keep surviving fam. This too shall pass.

I hope in the two weeks I left you alone, you learned to love yourself. This Webisode has concluded.

Mzwa Thx Survivor