Camel Black and a bottle of tap water. I don't need much. Just a little nicotine and some h20. That's how I find my balance. With all the sad things life throws our way I know I need my balance. I lost my Grand mother a few days ago and a day after I heard one of my friends passed too. Too soon. It's my birthday today by the way.

How much do we want the things we claim to want? I remember back in the day when I was in my first year of primary school I wanted to be a lion (thanks Mufasa). So dedicated to my attempts to becoming the king of beasts no one was safe. I'd roar in your face if I caught you napping. Don't nap. If I saw a bare ankle, LATE! You can't walk with a 5 year old hanging on to your ankle with his bare teeth now can you? Don't nap. I was going to be the best lion in the world. But when the mane refused to grow I let go of the dream. Thinking back to it though I should have held on to the dream a little more. I wonder where I'd be now. Kruger maybe? Pride Rock?

How much do we want the things we claim to want? How much? How far are you willing to go? What are you willing to give in return for the things you really want? I'm so proud of my friends who've graduated. Some have done it twice even. In the time given to them to complete what they had to. Resillience, determination, dilligence. I understand now. I used to be of the thought that intelligence gets you further in this world. Lol so childish. Resillience, determination, dilligence. I don't know how many hours we spent developing this site.

I wasn't counting. I know for most of the past four months we've been having 18 hour days. Using every precious second of those 18 hours to live. Every second of the 6 remaining to rest.

How much do we want the things we claim to want? Life is so precious. We've all heard or read this before. I'm sure we've all heard “no one knows when their time is.” We live our lives expecting the next day. What if it doesn't come? We worry about the future when what we really should be concerned with is the now.

What did you do today? Whose face did you put a smile on? Who did you feed? Who did you listen to?

I wish I could bring my friend back. Call her, chat, catch up, find out how she's doing. Make new memories. I wish I could bring my gran back. Listen to her tell me about my choice of friends one more time even though I'd never act on it. Put her on that flight... I know I made that promise when I was 7 but I never forgot it.

I hate the shit parts of life. But that's what it is. We found it like this, we'll leave it like this. But while you're still here, tell me, how much do you want the things you claim to want?

Mzwa Thx Contributor