Obsession

My obsession with not being broke by the time I turn 25, has me sitting up at 0231hrs throwing these words out of mind onto this very screen your eyes dance on now.

Obsession.

I've been thinking about all conversations and thoughts I've had with the self, a process also known as “talking to one's self (myself in this case) and the possibility is, I might be growing insane. I hope not. That would be awkward. I mean I still have plenty to say. I just haven't been as sure of what “it” is of late.

Obsession.

I fear being broke. Rather, I fear being this broke for the rest of my life. All ninety eight or eight years of it left. That's the other thing that's haunting me. I really don't know how long I'm left with here. It could be a day or a week. A month or a year. A year and a month. A month and a day. I don't know. And the thought that I could, for lack of use of a better word, die, at any moment, freaks me the fuck out.

Obsession.

I'm obsessed with this life thing. And I've started thinking that maybe perhaps I'm a little too obsessed. I want to go places but right now I can't. :( I'm still broke. Not of mind or spirit, just you know, financially. And I'm looking for that freedom. I know I'm close. I can smell it. Touch it almost. It's so close!

Or far...

If my love of life is going to kill me, then...I'll leave with a smile on my face? Do I really believe that? I don't know. I'm not even sure if I should be sharing this. I'm obsessed. It's like a sickness this obsession of mine. Similar to an ailment of the 15th century. One with no ready remedy.

Obsession.

I might even be obsessing over my obsession. That's confusing, I know. I'm just feigning being deep here, allow. Life. I want to be in Thailand or Zurich. Zurich sounds goods. Sounds like something someone would offer you at an expensive restaurant. As a starter.

Obsession.

I used to be obsessed with a lot of the lesser things in this world. Like, death...and “pre-marital sex.” If you said “potato potahto” then go back to the 18th century from whence you crawled from...

:)

It's a sickness...and a cure. My obsession with the lesser things made me want to obsess over the greater things in life. Like life and love (cue potato potahto person here). In some way both are synonymous. Co-existent you could say. Really can't have one without the other.

Obsession.

It'll have you up late at night, working or considering whether tomorrow will be worth seeing. But tomorrow is not promised either way so why are you obsessing over the inevitable. We all will die. Some day. Hopefully not soon. But if that is the case, then at least go out living. We're all guaranteed death but not all of us are guaranteed life. Because unlike death, life is a choice :) so really, it's up to you whether you start living.

Obsession. It's a weird instrument. It will have you up at 0303hrs talking to people you don't even know need talking to or not.

Keep obsessing.

:) Mzwa Thx Contributor